Friday, May 6, 2011

I'm Allowed a Day Every Now and Then!

For some reason last night was a rough night for me! I had a moment of sadness and a little bit of anger! I know that Grant is going to do great things one day. I know he will walk even if it isn't until he is 3-4 years old that doesn't matter. I know he will do it!

That doesn't keep me from feeling a little resentment every now and then that he can't do it right now! I am almost always just fine! It doesn't bug me knowing that Matthew was doing so much at 13 almost 14 months. It doesn't bother me when I see all my April 2010 mommas on facebook and see their babies walking and eating and running around! I'm so happy for them. I had a quick breakdown the other day though.

I started watching a new little girl who is a couple weeks younger than Grant. It again didn't really bother me seeing her walking around and playing but for some reason when she sat down in the high chair to eat it broke down for about 30 seconds and then snapped out of it. I remember when Matthew was doing that and eating was my favorite time. It was my chance for him and I to sit down and enjoy each other! This little girl was giving me high fives and we were just playing and then she would put a bite in her mouth. It just made me a little sad that I don't have that yet with Grant! Then I realized that I do...when Grant is in his tumble form eating he plays with me. He smiles at me and "talks" to me!

I also had a bit of a rough time last night. My newest nephew Kayden will be 5 months old this month. My brother sat him down in front of Grant (who I was helping sit) and he actually let go of Kayden and he held it longer than Grant. I wanted to burst out in tears. Again I am so happy for Kayden and Kyle and Alora but why can't that be Grant! He wants to sit and be a big boy so bad and it's just not fair that a baby 9 months younger than him can almost do it better!

I woke up this morning feeling much better! Again I think it's healthy to have those moments of anger, frustration, sadness and resentment. As long as you don't dwell on that I think it actually makes you a stronger person! Grant is an amazing little human being and he inspires me so much! He makes me realize to not take ANYTHING for granted! Even little things that Mattie does mean so much to me! There are so many times during the day I thank God for giving me these two amazing little boys who are so full of love!! :)

1 comment:

  1. You are such a strong mother Beth. The things I see (on FB) you do, especially for Grant, makes me so happy for your boys. Grant just needs a little extra time, but when he DOES make those same accomplishments, it will so much sweeter because you know how hard he had to work for it. Stay strong...but a moment of weakness once in a while is perfectly normal and acceptable.

    I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day!